


Loneliness

by LaughingFreak



Series: Connected--old oneshot series [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, M/M, POV First Person, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:56:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingFreak/pseuds/LaughingFreak
Summary: Jiraiya's still awake on his and Tsunade's wedding night and thinks back to past and current events.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Very old fic (back from 2008 old). Originally on FFN. This is unedited, what you see is what you get.

Sake ran down my throat like fire as I gulped it down. My wife lay in the bed next to me, asleep, unknowing of the alcohol I'm consuming. She didn't need to know what was on my mind, even though she knows me well enough to think something is up.

 

_Her back arched underneath me as I hit her sweet spot with a thrust. A moan escaped her lips as I thrusted into her again, her grip on my hair tightening. "I love you, Jiraiya." Tsunade whispered to me, bringing me down to her face. I smile and give her a kiss._

 

I chugged the rest of my sake down. Not want I needed to remember. Sure, she's my wife and I just made love to her on our wedding night, but that didn't make the memory all that much better. A sigh escapes my lips. This should be the happiest day of my life, but turned out to be the most heartwrenching one instead. To be honest, I feel that it should be someone else sharing my bed with me and someone else I should be making love to on my wedding night.

 

_"Jiraiya," he hissed angrily, "Stop fooling around. We have work to do." I just smile and kiss him anyways, ignoring his eye rolling._

 

Orochimaru.

 

The man that has hurt me so. The man that was my first. The man that was my first love since my childhood. Even though I have married Tsunade and decided to date her that doesn't stop me from wishing I had the man I love. My feelings for Tsunade come and go as they please, they're really just a liking feeling, nothing close to love. Why I married her then if it was just going to kill me I don't really know. I didn't feel like this before, then Orochimaru came for a visit and that's when things began to fall downhill.

 

If he didn't come for his little visit to see me less than a week ago, I would've been fine. I stuffed those feelings I had for him in the deepest caverns of my soul so they wouldn't come out again. For years I've been trying to get over him, but it seems like I keep getting bit in the ass for doing so. Then right when I was going to be married to the woman that lays on the bed sleeping next to me I find myself angry with myself, but mostly angry with Orochimaru. Angry with myself because I can't be happy with this woman for the rest of my life like I said I could. And angry with Orochimaru because he slept with Bazu, putting me and him in this position instead of being together.

 

How I wish things could have changed to where Orochimaru was my husband instead of Tsunade being my wife. Oh, how I wish!

 

_"Tsunade, will you marry me?" I ask her, bending on one knee and opening the ring box. She was at a loss for words, but I knew she was going to say yes. There was a big smile on her face, so I didn't need her to say anything to me for me to put the ring on her finger. She hugged onto me tightly._

_"Of course, I'll marry you." she whispered before kissing me tenderly._

 

Sliding on a pair of pants I get onto my feet and walk out onto the balcony. The night air hit me with full force, bringing me back. It's pretty cool out and goosebumps formed on my skin, but it didn't bother me. I can barely feel it at the moment.

 

_Our lips connected in a passionate kiss. It was short lived when we heard footsteps coming down the hall. We released each other from one another's hold, sneaking inside the room next to us, shutting the door and locking it. A snicker escapes me as I bring him close to me. He glares at me and says, "Stop thinking with your other head. We need to get back to the training grounds."_

_I rolled my eyes, "Oh, come on, Orochi. Just a quickie. They can wait a few more minutes."_

_He only smirked mischieviously and removed himself from my hold, walking back out the door, lingering there for a moment before he said something. "If I don't get my training you know I won't be a happy person and neither will be Sarutobi-sensei. Besides, if you get a little quickie now what's the point of having an eventful night tonight?" Then he turned and left, going back to the training grounds that I worked so hard to get him away from._

_Yet again, he had a valid point. Then maybe after that I can try to get him to read my book that he refuses to touch._

 

A smile plays on my lips as the memory leaves me once again and takes me back to the present. Since he made his visit, all the memories came flooding out and consuming almost every part of me. Since that day a week ago, all the memories I made with Tsunade, my wife, disappeared. Sad, but so very true. I hadn't tried to have that happen, like I said, but Orochimaru has a weird way of changing things for me.

 

I love him.

 

Love him with all my being.

 

If only Orochimaru hasn't lost my trust.

 

If only I wasn't married to Tsunade I could go claim him as my own again.

 

But is all this pain really worth it.

 

Maybe I should go back to him, leave my wife behind just to be with him again.

 

_"Take me back, Jiraiya."_

 

His eyes were so sad that day. They were so pained and I was half tempted to take him back right then and there. I know he's sincere about it. The pain I'm going through without him here next to me is worse than what he had done to me. Just maybe...

 

_"Please, Jiraiya. Things haven't been the same without you."_

 

...I should change my mind.


End file.
